


killer within

by softnsquishable



Category: Rocketman (2019), Rocketman (2019) RPF, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Death in Childbirth, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Apocalypse, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, c section, emergency c section, madderton - Freeform, madderton mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22612246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softnsquishable/pseuds/softnsquishable
Summary: Based on The Walking Dead episode of the same name; In a post apocalyptic world, the group is under siege. While on the run, Taron goes into labor. With complications and no one but Jamie and Richard to help him, Taron has to make the toughest choice a mother can make...to give up everything for their child.trigger warning for major character death, somewhat graphic description of the c section (mentions of internal organs, blood), and such heartbreaking sadness that the author physically cried for hours while writing it, read at your own risk...but please, enjoy.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	killer within

**Author's Note:**

> This is the toughest thing that I have ever written. I feel very accomplished having finished it. Despite the context and sadness to ensue, I really hope you'll enjoy it. Please, heed the warnings and read at your own risk.

“Quickly, this way!”

Jamie fired a few bullets off, taking out the closest zombies. He didn’t take a moment to wipe the sweat out of his eyes, continuing to clear the path ahead of him through the prison cell block. He had no idea how many of the creatures were left in and around the building; When he’d rushed in to take cover, a good portion of the fence outside had come down, and they were flooding in by the dozens. Most of their group had to stand and fight, trying to contain the spread, making repairs as best they could, but it was looking pretty grim. 

Jamie had been tasked with protecting the two most vulnerable members of the party - Taron and his unborn baby - along with Richard, the baby’s father. Taron had been part of the resistance minutes ago, but the scene outside was getting too risky. The entire party had fallen back, and Richard, as their leader, had demanded that those less strong at the given time retreat inside until things had calmed. Richard almost stayed on the front line, but when Taron and Jamie had been suddenly confronted by more than they could handle, he’d rushed to defend them, backing towards shelter. While they’d tried to return with the elder members of the group to the safety of their more furnished cells (the cells they occupied regularly) they had been driven in a different direction, and were now rushing through a building they hadn’t explored since they’d first moved into the prison.

The place was a concrete maze. The trio were twisting and turning down identical hallways, only guided by the splatters of blood or unmoving corpses on the ground to make their paths. Scrambling through deep recesses towards more unfamiliar territory, they were starting to get tired, desperate. And things were about to take a turn for the worse.

“The exit...should be just a few blocks up,” Jamie called to the others, as he jogged towards the blind turn. “Saw a sign, on the last corner...just a bit further.”

“Thank God.” Richard wiped his face with his arm. “Just a few more yards, then we can stop and catch our breaths, alright T?...Taron?” 

Richard turned back when he didn’t hear an answer, but a pained groan. His heart nearly stopped when he caught sight of Taron. His boyfriend was leaned against the wall, shoulder to the concrete, and he was hunched over, hand clutching his prominent baby bump. 

Richard walked back a few paces, brow furrowed. Jamie stopped moving ahead, hands on his loaded pistol as he spared them a concerned look from his vigilant scan of the area. Richard put his hand on Taron’s shoulder, moving it down to softly rub his back. Taron shook his head, trembling a little as he sank further against the side of the passage.

“Something’s wrong,” he managed, sounding incredibly strained. “This doesn’t feel right.”

“You weren’t bit, were you?” Jamie asked quickly, looking fearful.

“No, no, nonononono.” Taron shook his head, struggling for a moment to find words through his pain and panic. “I think the baby’s coming. Now.” 

“Shit!” Richard spat under his breath, putting his arm around Taron for support. “We have to keep going, we have to get out-”

The familiar sound of growls and feet shuffling started to close in from the corridor ahead. A herd of the undead appeared from around the corner, starting to drag themselves towards the trio. Jamie raised his gun to start shooting, but Richard shook his head, securing his hold on Taron’s waist. 

“There’s no time!” Richard told Jamie, as Taron doubled over in pain again. “Fall back!” 

They hurried back through the halls, carefully turning away from the corridors where they could see or hear the offenders. It wasn’t leaving them many options, but they couldn’t risk a scuffle. Three of them weren’t enough to win against the countless monsters, especially not with Taron in his current state.

It was only a few minutes’ walk, but it felt like forever to Taron as he struggled to keep moving. The pain was spiking frequently, and he was stumbling a lot, knees buckling with every stab through his back and stomach. Richard held him up as much as he could, so Taron’s feet were hardly touching the ground as they hurried down the hall, while Jamie continued to clear the path in front of them.

Taron had been prepared for it to hurt, but this was unreal. As much as he knew it wasn’t supposed to be easy, something seemed unnatural about this. He had a horrible feeling in his stomach, and it wasn’t his muscles spasming (but that wasn’t very pleasant either). The worse case scenarios started coming up, and he was trying to come up with reasonable solutions. Most of them could be resolved but the one that made his heart clench the tightest...he could hardly entertain the scene. It wouldn't come to that, he decided, just before another tide of pain reminded him how little say he had in the matter. Taron had his fingers crossed, but it was up to fate, and she seemed to be in quite a foul mood that day. 

The three reached a room that appeared to be empty: The door had been jammed pretty firmly shut, and took a few nudges from Jamie to get open. Once Richard and Taron were safely inside, Jamie attempted to close the door, finding it stuck slightly ajar. He held his breath as the herd approached, exhaling softly in relief as they walked right by them. 

“I think we’re alright,” Jamie said as he turned around. He immediately felt that was the wrong choice of words. Taron was leaning on the wall again, breathing labored and starting to go pale. Richard was struggling to stay calm, holding his hand and quietly encouraging him to just keep breathing, because even that seemed to be taking an effort.

“Stay calm, Taron,” Richard tried, but Taron shook his head again. 

“Baby’s coming, right now,” he panted. “We...We have to get ready.”

“We have to get back to the cell, that’s where all the stuff is,” Jamie said quickly. “Elton’s there too, he was supposed to deliver the baby.”

“We won’t make it back there, Taron can’t even walk,” Richard reasoned. “If we get caught by those biters, we’re fucked.”

“You’re right…” Jamie pressed his lips together, looking them over again. “I guess we're a pair of doulas, Dickie.”

“Clever lad,” Taron mumbled, closing his eyes as he panted in pain. 

“Alright, T, let’s get your pants off,” Richard told him, helping his boyfriend off the wall and laying him down in a clear spot. "Jamie, do you know how to check his dilation?”

“I mean...I think so,” Jamie replied, thinking back for a moment. “I’ll do my best.”

“Best will have to do,” Richard reasoned, using his backpack as a makeshift pillow for Taron. “Go on, under the hood with ya.”

“Right...yeah.” 

Jamie knelt down between Taron’s legs, slipping his jeans and too-big boxers off. He felt completely out of his depth here. Yes, he’d been sitting in with Elton, learning bits here and there. He knew the basics...and he could probably pull it off, if nothing went wrong. Jamie took a breath, wiping his hands off with some sanitizer before carefully starting to assess the situation. !

“How far’s he progressed?” Richard asked, looking down from his place kneeling by Taron’s head.

“Can’t quite tell,” Jamie admitted. “I don’t see any sign of a baby or anything...it doesn’t feel very open. Maybe a bit…”

“I have to push,” Taron interjected, trying to sit himself up. “I-I have to, the baby-”

“Alright, T,” Richard hushed, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve got you.”

Jamie took Taron’s other hand, lifting him with Richard's help. They carefully guided Taron to a wall where the struggling mum could brace himself. Taron held onto a large hook mounted on the wall, taking a few quick breaths in preparation. He knew this was gonna be a lot; His fingers were crossed that gravity would give him a bit of aid for the strength he might have been lacking. 

“You ready?” Jamie asked softly, standing behind Taron. 

“Yeah...yeah, here we go,” Taron said quickly, exhaling slowly before starting to push. 

Richard kept one hand in Taron’s, resting the other on the small of his back as Taron cried out in pain. Taron was giving it his full effort, hardly stopping to breathe as he attempted to move the little one along. Jamie nodded encouragingly behind him, reaching in carefully to guide the baby out. It should be pretty straightforward, he hoped. 

“You got it...you got it, Taron, just keep going,” Jamie encouraged, trying to seek out the baby’s head. “Your body knows what it’s doing, let it do all the work...wait...wait, hold on-...”

Taron wasn’t keen on waiting, pressing his forehead against the cold stone and yelping in pain again. He gripped Richard’s hand and panted, feeling a wave of nausea course over him. Taron HAD to push, that’s what his body was telling him, even as Jamie cautioned him to stop. He had to get this baby out before his rapidly diminishing strength was completely gone. It wasn’t working, though; When Taron had to pause after one more strangled shriek, Jamie not only hadn’t found the head, but his hands were covered in blood. 

“This is not good,” Jamie said almost inaudibly, exchanging a frightened look with Richard. 

Richard kept his arm around Taron, kissing his head and softly whispering to him to lie back down. He guided Taron back to the middle of the room, easing him down to the floor and trying to make him comfortable. Taron wasn’t as vocal now, focusing on catching his breath. He was getting increasingly pale, and combining that with the small spot of blood beginning to pool between Taron’s thighs, things were going downhill quickly.

“Taron, honey, look at me,” Richard soothed, running his fingers through Taron’s soft reddish hair. “Keep your eyes open, stay awake.”

“We have to get him back to Elton,” Jamie insisted, looking at Richard. “He’s the only one that can figure this out.”

“I won’t make it there,” Taron said as evenly as he could. 

“Taron, you’re bleeding everywhere, you’re not nearly dilated enough to deliver, no amount of pushing is gonna get this baby out-” 

“I know...I know what this means, J...and I’m not losing my baby.” Taron looked him in the eyes. “You’ve gotta cut me open.”

“What?” Richard almost squeaked. 

“Elton and I talked about this,” Taron elaborated. “The blood, it’s from tearing...placenta separating from the wall of the uterus. It’s blocking the opening to my cervix...I can’t deliver the baby naturally. It’s gonna put the baby in distress, they might suffocate. You have to cut me open, now.”

“No, no, Taron, I can’t,” Jamie dismissed, shaking his head.

“You /have/ to,” Taron hissed as firmly as he could through the pain. “You have to get them out.”

“No, love, there has to be another way,” Richard chimed in, rubbing Taron’s shoulder. “I can go back out there, I’ll get help.”

“You’ll get yourself killed, Rich,” Taron stated. “You said it yourself earlier. It’s not safe out there. We have to do this, here and now.”

“Taron, I can’t,” Jamie insisted. “I don’t know any of the details, the measurements of the cuts or the depth, I hardly even know the steps.”

“Jamie,” Taron pleaded, softly gasping in pain and gripping Richard’s hand. “Jamie, please.”

“I have no anesthetic.” Jamie was digging for excuses. “No equipment to perform the procedure.”

“Rich has a knife on his belt,” Taron pointed out calmly. “Should be plenty sharp.”

“Taron, you’ll die!” 

Jamie finally broke, sitting back on his heels. His eyes were tearing up as he looked down at his fast-fading friend. It was a tense moment of silence that followed; All three of them already knew the outcome. It took Jamie saying it out loud for it to really start sinking in, and it hit hard. 

“...I know,” Taron spoke with tenderness, but resolve. There was a bit of a quiver in his voice; He couldn’t help it. Despite the tremble, there was an absolution and determination in his tone.

“If you don’t do this, my baby won’t survive,” he continued, looking up at Jamie. “I won’t let them die, I can’t...they have to have a chance.”

“Taron...babe…” Richard was at a loss, hardly finding his voice as tears spilled down his cheeks. “You can’t…I-I can’t...”

“Our baby has to live,” Taron affirmed, eyes slipping shut as he breathed heavily. “Jam...Jamie, please…”

Jamie scrubbed his eyes with his palms. He looked back down as his vision cleared a bit, and noticed that Taron was already pulling his shirt up out of the way. Taron tucked it at the top of his ribs, and traced a finger in a straight line across his lower abdomen. 

“Make the incision right here,” he told him. “Straight across the whole curve. Not too deep, or you’ll hurt the baby.”

“Taron, I said I can’t,” Jamie choked out. 

“You need to.” Taron reached to hold Jamie’s hands. “It hurts me to have to ask so much of you, Jamie. If I could do it myself I would, but I need you. I need you to help me. Please...can you do this for me?”

Jamie squeezed Taron’s hands. His eyes were still full of tears, but he finally gave in and nodded. Jamie couldn’t bring himself to say anything, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. If this was Taron’s last wish, he had to come through. 

Taron turned to Richard next, letting Jamie go. His blue eyes shimmered, windows into his breaking heart. Richard was trying to be brave, and it was taking everything in him to breathe evenly. Taron pressed his lips together for a moment, feeling his chest ache.

“Rich...babe, I need you to be brave,” he began softly, reaching a hand out to him, but Richard cut him off.

“You don’t have to do this,”he blubbered, lacing their fingers together. “We can make this better, Taron...we-we can-...I-I can go-”

“No, no, Richard.” Taron reached up, cupping his partner’s cheek and brushing tears away with his thumb. “This is what I want. It’s what I need to do. You need to stay here, to take care of Elton for me, and the baby...our little son or daughter. They need you too.”

“No...Taron, I can’t do this without you,” Richard sniveled. “I need you.”

“You’re gonna be fine, Dickie,” Taron assured him, a smile flickering over his features for a moment before he became serious. “You’re gonna beat this world, you and baby both. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you’re going to be such an amazing dad. And I love you, so so much.”

“I...I love you too.”

Richard couldn’t hold it anymore. He bowed completely over, rested his head on Taron’s chest as he broke down sobbing. Taron wrapped his arms around him, holding him as tightly as he could through the pain wracking his body. At that moment, Taron’s first tears fell. He realized only then that he could never have prepared for that moment because he had never seen it coming. He never thought he would have to say goodbye. 

Even after the disaster had struck, and the world ended around them, Taron had believed that they’d find a way through and grow old together. The baby came along at the wrong time, but they had been making it work: There was a tiny nursery in the corner of their cell, ready and waiting for the new arrival with as many baby clothes, diapers and commodities they could collect. They had been working for months on innovations in the way they collected and stored food, filtered water, and secured barriers. As resolute as he was, Taron was crushed that he would never see their hard work come to fruition. Worse yet, he had to leave behind the love of his life...and, most devastating of all, he would never see his child’s first breath. He had to say goodbye before he said hello. 

Taron moved his hand up, carding his fingers through Richard’s hair. Playing with Richard’s soft, dark locks was something Taron had done to soothe him as long as they’d been together. Richard had always had the tendency to bury his face in Taron’s chest or lap while the redhead gently massaged his scalp, melting his stress away. Even now it was calming him down, the anguished sobs fading into shuddering breaths. Taron looked down at him, blinking the tears back to look at Richard clearly as he lifted his head up. It was time.

“I’m sorry,” Taron said softly, cupping Richard’s cheek to wipe the spare tears away with his thumb. “I’m sorry I have to go. But it’s gonna be alright. You’re gonna build a better world for this baby. You’re gonna make it to whatever the other side of this disaster is, with our little son or daughter beside you. I wish I could be there...but this is all worth it to give the little one a chance to see that world with you.”

“You’re the best mama in the world,” Richard sniffed. “They’re going to grow up to be as strong, brave and beautiful as their mum...their hero.”

“You flatter me,” Taron breathed, a weary smile gracing his features.

“Trust me, love…” Richard put a hand on Taron’s head, lifting him so their foreheads were touching. “...it’s nothing that you don’t deserve.”

Richard closed the gap between them, giving Taron a chaste kiss. The taste was somewhat bittersweet: It was the simplest, most loving kiss they had ever exchanged, but both of them knew it would be their last. It did more than a thousand more words could have done, words that they had no time left to say. As they separated slowly, and Richard gently lowered Taron’s head back to the floor, his heart was not unbroken, but he had accepted their fate. He was letting go. 

“Jamie,” Richard spoke, hand on his knife as he turned to the quivering blond. “Mate-”

“It’s alright,” Jamie interrupted, holding his hand out. He had just wiped the tears off his own cheeks, eyes red and brimming again. As the knife was placed in his palm, he gripped it tight, turning it over. He looked back at Taron, giving him another solemn nod. He was ready when Taron was.

Taron turned his gaze to the ceiling. He took a few deep breaths, moving his hand to his belly. A few kicks met his palm, and a few more tears escaped Taron as he felt his little one for the last time. They were still alive and strong. It was all going to be worth it.

“Goodnight, love,” he whispered, before letting his arm fall back to his side. 

“...I’m sorry, Taron,” Jamie gulped, before positioning the blade against his stomach, and making the cut.

Taron involuntarily screamed from the pain, gripping Richard’s hand for a moment before going limp. His body shivered as the shock overtook him, breath stuttering in his chest. Moments later his eyes closed, and his head lifelessly lulled to the side. His hand was still warm in Richard’s grasp, but Richard knew it was over. He took a moment to absorb it, the rest of the world blurring as his fingers pressed Taron’s wrist, making Richard’s heart skip a beat or two itself. He was gone; Taron was gone.

“Rich! I need a hand here!”

Richard snapped out of it, letting go and turning to Jamie. He couldn’t help cringing at the sight of Jamie’s handiwork, pushing around and pulling out Taron’s spilling organs. The pale, exposed skin was smeared with blood and Jamie had one hand pulling the skin back, the other still holding the blade. Jamie wasn’t having a pleasant time himself, but he was more concerned for the baby than disgusted by his task.

“I’ve got you,” Richard affirmed, moving to kneel beside Jamie. “What do I need to do?”

“Keep the area clear and open,” Jamie told him, tossing the knife aside for now. “I gotta reach in and get the baby out, yeah?”

Richard nodded and did as he was told. Almost everything in him was still screaming about how wrong this was. With every jolt of his lover’s body, every gush of blood, it felt like it still should have been hurting Taron. Richard had to keep telling himself that he wasn’t feeling pain any more. He was silently praying while Jamie sifted carefully, yet frantically, through Taron’s innards, trying to feel out a head or a leg, anything really. Now it was all about the little one: They had to pull through. This couldn’t have all been for nothing...if Taron had died so brutally in vain, Richard wasn’t sure he’d be able to take it. 

“Got ‘em...I’ve got ‘em!”

Jamie slowly pulled the baby out, carefully supporting its head and bottom as they came through the opening. The baby was messy as could be, a bit smaller than expected, but absolutely beautiful. They had dark, damp hair spread all over their head, plush cheeks and lips fixed in a sweet little pout. She was a girl...and she wasn’t crying.

Jamie shook his head quickly, starting to bounce the baby daintily. He rubbed her back, tutting softly and thinking back to anything he knew about performing AR on an infant. Seconds passed, and Jamie wasn’t getting a reaction. His heart started racing, and he gave Richard a glance as he nervously adjusted her to try and open her airways.

“C’mon, hon,” Jamie pleaded, flipping her over so her chest was resting on his arm. He gave her back a few pats, biting his lip. What if he’d been too late to get her out safely? What if he’d cut into something wrong? What if they’d just lost it all because of him?

The moment she squirmed and started to cry, so did Richard, and Jamie started to breathe again. He shifted her onto her back, giving a relieved chuckle as she wailed, the color starting to appear in her cheeks. Richard grabbed the knife, working with Jamie to carefully sever the cord, and wipe the baby down a bit more. 

“Sounds like she’s a strong one, Rich,” Jamie said with a hint of pride, setting the still fussing infant in her father’s arms. 

“Just like her mummy,” Richard agreed, wrapping her in his vest as a temporary blanket. “Shh...alright, sweetheart,” he said softly, holding her to his heart. “Papa’s got you now...you’re alright.”

The baby’s cries quieted to a soft whimper, then stillness as she settled in Richard’s hold. Richard smiled as her breathing evened, resting a hand under her head. His thumb traced over her cheek and hairline, giving a shaky sigh of a laugh as she yawned, before leaning into his palm. It was enough to fill his eyes with tears once again.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Richard told her, his voice coated in tenderness. “Such a beautiful thing...and into such a cruel, ugly world.”

Richard looked up for just a moment, to Taron’s lifeless expression. He looked so at peace, despite everything. Looking back at the baby, Richard immediately saw nearly the same expression on their daughter’s face; It was as if Taron, in giving himself, had passed it all onto her. All of his sweetness, all of his hope and drive for the future was encapsulated in their newborn girl. It filled Richard’s chest with a new resolve as he cradled her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I won’t let this world ruin you,” he promised her. “I won’t let it snuff out your sunshine. I’m going to make your mummy’s dreams come true. I’m going to build a new world, love, for him...for you.”

They sat in relative quiet for the next few minutes, as Richard bonded with his little one. He passed her back to Jamie only to complete the final, sickening task of making sure Taron didn’t turn. After a soft kiss to his now-cold brown, Richard quickly did the deed, covering Taron’s face with a discarded cloth and his body with a tarp from a shelf. They would give him a proper burial when the dust had settled outside, but for now they’d give all the dignity they could. Besides, they didn’t need the visual to linger. Even though the image would never leave them, they wanted to remember Taron as he’d been before his sacrifice; That was the Taron that they would tell his daughter about. 

As he and Jamie exited the “tomb” in silence, Richard looked back from the doorway once more. The concrete stained red with what was once his love screamed at him like a stoplight, tugging his heart to dwell there. Richard could easily have just stopped and stood, grieving beside the remains of his former world for days, till he was ready to lay beside him forever. But the soft, warm weight in his arms drove him forward, back into the same, unforgiving world that had nearly destroyed her. Richard would carry on for all foreseeable time, his little love nearly always at his side, and forever with her mother in his mind and heart. 

Taron had given Richard many things...but the last, and most perfect of all, was Hope. 

Hope Aeres Egerton

**Author's Note:**

> Leave your therapy bill in the comments below, or in my inbox on Tumblr ( @softnsquishable ). We can grieve together and come up with less depressing stories there. I also post a lot of headcanons for both Elton/John and Richard/Taron there, as well as role play both ships. Hope to hear from you soon!


End file.
